Amnesia
by hipstergeek17
Summary: Phil has just got into a plane crash and is now in critical condition. Dan rushes to the hospital and finds Phil in a coma. When Phil wakes up, he has no memory of Dan. Will Dan help Phil get his memories back, or will Dan give up and let Phil start a new life without him?
1. Chapter 1

"Phil be careful" I say.

"I will, now I have to go bear, or I'm gonna be late."

I hug and kiss him goodbye and watch him walk away and roll his suitcase.

Phil had to attend a meeting in Los Angeles. I wish he didn't have to go, but it was best for him. He always wanted to work with filmmakers. And his wish was granted. They called him in to discuss a new movie coming out and they wanted him to take part in it.

After watching Phil get into a cab and drive off, I decided to make a new video on our gaming channel.

"Hey Guys, Phil isn't here today for he has a important meeting to attend in Los Angeles. So if any of you Americans see him, that is why."

After making the video I decided to watch T.V. I surf through the channels and see the BBC broadcast.

"Today an aircraft; Flight 725 has just crashed. British Airways Flight 725 just took of when the rear hit a small building. The plane's tail broke off, both horizontal stabilizers and the vertical fin separated from the aircraft. Both engines and the main landing gear also separated from the aircraft. The aircraft caught fire after it came to rest. With a total of 12 deaths and 244 wounded. Many of them in critical condition."

Wait Phil was on that plane. Oh my gosh. I need to see him. My phone rings and I see that it's Phil.

"Hello?"

"Is this Dan Howell?" A man says.

"Yes, yes. That's me. What happened?"

"Phil Lester was on an aircraft to Los Angeles when the plane crashed. Right now he's in the hospital in critical condition. He's currently in a coma."

"C-can I see him? Where is he?"

"He's been admitted to Royal London Hospital."

"Okay, I'm coming."

I hang up and grab my keys and run out the door. I need to see Phil. I need to know that he's okay.


	2. Chapter 2

I run outside and catch a cab. I'm hyperventilating. When I arrive at the hospital, I run inside. I go up to the receptionist desk in a hurry and slam my hands on the desk.

"I'm here for Phil Lester. Is he here?" I panted.

"Are you Dan Howell?" the nurse asks.

"Yeah." I panted.

"Yes he's been admitted a few hours ago. Here come with me. He's in 5-14." The nurse says.

We take the lift and go up to the 5th floor.

"Through here." She says as she open the door.

I go through the door and see Phil with wires and tubes hooked on him.

"Oh my god." I say. I cover my mouth and I break down crying and fall to my knees. Why did this have to happen? He didn't deserve this. I would do anything to be in his place.

A few seconds later, the doctor comes in.

"Dan Howell?"

"Yeah that's me."

"Okay, Mr. Lester was admitted here in critical condition. His right lung had collapsed so we had to put a tube through his neck, he also has a severe concussion which resulted in a severe brain injury. Right now he is in a coma state."

While he was saying this I was breaking inside. Oh Phil.

"If you need a nurse or have any questions just press this button." He says as he hands me a pager.

The doctor left and I turned to Phil.

"Phil, please wake up. Look at me. I'm a mess. Phil please."

I hold his hand tightly as I drift off to sleep.

.

.

.

"Dan, Hey Dan wake up."

I open my eyes and turn to see Chris and Pj.

"Dan I heard about Phil and we are so sorry. Are you feeling okay? Do you want to eat? We can get you food. Or clothes. You need clothes right? We'll get you clothes and food." Chris says.

"Guys, guys I'm okay. But thanks anyway."

"Dan are you sure? We'll get you clothes and bring you back some food, stay there. We'll come back. Pj says. They walk out the door and I'm left alone with Phil again.

"Hey Phil. Please wake up. You should see me, I'm a mess. I miss your smiles and cuddles. Please wake up."

All of a sudden I feel Phil's hands squeeze mine.

"Phil! Phil! Are you awake? Wake up. It's me Dan your boyfriend." I say as I press the button on the pager.

The doctor and nurses come in.

"Phil squeezed my hand!" I say excitedly.

"Okay let me take a look." The doctor says.

The doctor checks Phil's breathing and heart rate. He also examines Phil's eyes.

"So?" I say.

"It seems like Mr. Lester is slowly emerging from his coma state. In a few hours or days he will start to become conscious and start to open his eyes."

"Will he be able to come home when he wakes up?" I ask.

"We may have to keep him in for at least 2-3 days for tests, but after he'll be able to go home."

"Thanks Doc."

"No problem. When you see signs of him waking up, call me." He says. The nurses and the doctor walk out.

"Phil. You'll be able to come home after you wake up. Come on Phil please wake up for me." I plead.

Chris and Pj come back with clothes and some food. I change into the clothes and we all eat while talking about Phil."

"Hey guys, do you mind staying here while I go home and grab my stuff?"

"Oh no. Go ahead. We'll watch Phil. Also you'll probably want to take a shower too as you haven't showered in 2 days." Chris say.

"Yeah okay. Thanks." I chuckle. I walk out the door and go back to my flat.

I open the door to my room and packed a bag with a few of my clothes and some of Phil's clothes. I take a quick shower, change, and grabbed my bag, keys, and phone then I head back to the hospital.

When I walk into Phil's room I see that he has already woken up.


	3. Chapter 3

"Phil!" I run up to him a hug him tightly being careful of all the wires.

"You're awake! How you feeling?" I say.

He stares at me then fixes his gaze somewhere else. Maybe he's just tired.

"Did you call the doctor?" I ask Chris and Pj.

"Yeah he's coming by right now." Pj answers.

I hear the door open and close.

"Ah I see Mr. Lester is awake." The doctor says as he walks in.

"Um doctor, why isn't he talking?" I ask.

"He is still emerging from his coma state. He may experience some vision and communication problems but he'll be fine in a few hours."

After talking to me, the doctor takes the tube out of Phil's throat, and check his status. Before the doctor leaves, he hands me a paper for me to sign. I go up to Phil and hold his hand. He stares at me blankly.

"Hey Phil, It's me Dan. Finally you're awake. Do one more thing for me. Please talk to me soon, I miss your voice." I say.

Phil still stares at me blankly and then turns his gaze to the window.

"Hey Dan, don't worry he'll be alright, he's probably just in shock. He'll talk very soon. Why don't you go home and sleep you've been awake for a long time. We'll watch over him." Pj says.

I sigh and agree with him.

"Yeah, I think I should. Thanks guys. Call me when something happens."

"Yeah we will. Now go you're a mess." Chris says.

I grab my stuff and head home. When I arrive home I fall onto my bed and drift of to sleep...

.

.

"Phil?"

"Yes Dan?" Phil answers.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah sure anything." Phil smiles.

"Umm you should know by now that I'm bi right?"

"Oh yes, yes. So what d'you wanna tell me?"

"Phil.. I think I'm in love with you."

"U-u-uh-..."

"Never mind, I'm sorry Phil. I-I shouldn't have said that. I'll leave if you want me too."

I turn around and walk away in shame when I feel Phil grab my arm a pull me towards him.

"Wait. No don't leave me."

"Why?"

"B-because I love you too Dan."

"Really?"

"Yes, I really do."

Phil leans in and kisses me passionately. I'm taken aback, but a few moments later, I kiss him back. We kiss like this for what seems like hours. We both stand up without breaking the kiss and head towards my room...

.

.

*Riing*

*Riing*

*Riing*

*Riing*

I wake up. Ugghh it was just a dream. I look at my phone to see whos calling. It's Chris. I answer tiredly.

"Hello?" I said groggily.

"Dan? Hey Phil's talking! Come here!"

I jump out of bed, rush out the door and go to the hospital.

When I open the door to Phil's room, I see him talking to Chris and Pj. Oh how I miss his smiles. I run up to him.

"Phil, Phil!"

I see Phil look at me blankly and look back to Chris and Pj. What, isn't he happy to see me?

"Phil?" I say.

"Uhh Chris who's that? I saw him hold my hand earlier." I hear Phil whisper to Chris.

"It's your boyfriend, Dan. Don't you remember him?"

"I have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah you do. Don't you remember?"

"Noo.."

"Now Phil stop trolling me. I know you still remember me." I joke.

"I have no idea who you are, I'm sorry." He says blankly.

I break down inside. I pull out my phone and show Phil a picture of us.

"Look, don't you remember this? When we went to Vegas?"

"I'm sorry to say this..Dan... but I have no idea what you're talking about."

I walk outside and look for the doctor. Why can't he remember me. I break down inside and start crying.

"Dan?" I hear the doctor say

"Why doesn't my boyfriend remember me?" I cried.

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't know a bloody thing about me! He doesn't know my name or that I'm his boyfriend. He remembers my friends but not me. Why!? It's like I never existed to him."

"Let me take a look at him."

The doctor goes in Phil's room I look through the door's window and see the doctor asking Phil questions. A few moments later the doctor comes out.

"It seems like Phil has traces of amnesia. He's perfectly fine with remembering most things such as objects, places, and his friends and family but it seems like he's forgotten about you."

I start to cry in front of the doctor. Its kind of embarrassing, but I couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry Dan. We'll take him in for a MRI and CAT scan tomorrow to see the damage in his brain. Again I'm very sorry."

The doctor walks away and I'm left standing in the hallway crying. I fall to the ground and start hugging my knees. Why did this have to happen? Why? I continue crying and I see nurses and patients looking at me. They can't understand my pain. They just can't.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, I'm sorry If I kind of took long to update. It was probably because I had writer's block and stressing over school. I'll try update every 2 weeks or less. But anyway, here's Chapter 4! :) Enjoy!**

"Dan wake up."

I wake up to see Chris and Pj standing in front of me. I'm still in the hallway sitting on the cold tile floor. I must've cried myself to sleep.

"Dan you've been there for a long time, Why don't you come in Phil's room?" Pj questioned.

"What's the point guys? He doesn't even know me anymore."

"Well, you could start over." Chris suggests.

"What do you mean?" I muttered.

"Introduce yourself and then maybe you'll become best friends again. You never know, he might even get his memory of you back." Chris tries to reason with me.

"I don't know..." I sighed.

"Come on, don't you want to see him?" Chris encourages.

"Yeah I guess." I shrugged.

"Then come on Dan, come talk to him." Chris naggs.

"Okay."

They help me get up and we walk to Phil's room. We come up with what I was going to say to Phil and decided to play it cool and tell him the "boyfriend" thing was just an act.

We walk into Phil's room and Phil looks straight into my eye. We make eye contact but then Chris interjects.

"Hey Phil, d'you remember Dan?"

"Yeah, the guy who was claiming he was my boyfriend." Phil said. I smile awkwardly as he's looking at me.

"Turns out it was all an act Phil" Chris says.

"Really?" He says as he turns and looks at me. "It was?"

"Yeah, yeah. I was just kidding. It was all an act." I say.

"Oh, wait what about that picture you showed me?"

"Meh photoshop." I shrugged.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry about everything. So let me introduce myself properly, I'm Dan Howell, I'm a youtuber and I love maltesers." I smile. He just looks at me and I give him a look to make him introduce himself.

"Oh um I'm Phil Lester, I'm also a youtuber and I like video games." He smiles.

He takes out his hand and waits for me to shake it. I walk up to him a shake it firmly and let go. Honestly I wanted a hug from him but knowing he doesn't know me, a handshake was a big leap.

Just then the doctor come into the room.

"Hello Mr. Lester. Today we're going to take a MRI and CAT scan of your brain."

"Why?" Phil questions.

"We want to see if there's any damage to your brain. You in came with a severe concussion when you were admitted to the hospital." The doctor says.

"Umm." Phil looks at me, Chris and Pj.

"Go on Phil, we'll still be here." Chris says. He looks at me and I smile at him reassuringly.

"Okay." Phil says to the doctor.

The doctor looks out the door and signals a few nurses to come in and help Phil get into a wheelchair. They wheel him out and me, Chris and Pj are alone.

"Ehem. That wasn't that bad, was it?" Chris says.

"Yeah, I guess. It's just I miss my Phil. The one I used to know. Y'know his quirkiness, his jokes, his laugh, his cuddles, his kisses. I say while reminiscing the past.

"Dan, I know it's hard for you to go through this, but maybe this is a time where you can start over, y'know. Get to know this 'new Phil'. Do things you wanted to do before." Chris says.

"This is like going back to the past and changing things you might've regretted while you were with the 'old' Phil. Who knows, you guys might even be together again." Pj says.

"We are together Peej..." I sigh.

"He just doesn't know it."


	5. Chapter 5

I hear the door click open, and Phil, and the doctor is back. The nurses wheel him in and help him get into the hospital bed.

"Dan could I speak to you for a moment outside please?" The doctor requested.

"Uhh, sure." I answer.

I walk out the door and close the door behind me.

"During the scan I found out that Phil does have some damage to brain. Primarily the structures that form the limbic system, which controls the emotions and memories. But what I found interesting was that the brain injury did not cause his amnesia. It just helped him get to that state."

"What?! Really? What actually gave him amnesia then? I exclaimed.

"May I ask, does Phil drink or is taking medication?" The doctor questioned.

"Drink what? Alcohol, and no he's not on any form of medication."

"Okay. Yes I mean drink alcohol. Does it seem that he drinks a lot?"

"Well we do have a few boxes of beer at home." I shrugged.

"Have you ever notice anything suspicious happening to Phil this past months?"

"Are you implying that he's been doing something behind my back?!" I protested.

"No, no." He said reassuringly as he shook his head. "I need to know if something he did helped cause his amnesia. If you really love him Dan, please just answer the question"

He was right, I love Phil. I know that he wouldn't cheat on me. I need to know what made him forget about me.

"Okay. Umm,let me see. Ooh. I noticed that almost every night he would come home really drunk."

"..And when did this happen?" The doctor questioned.

"About a few years. Probably 3 years."

"Okay. So I have one theory on why he got amnesia." So long-term alcohol abuse can lead to thiamin which is vitamin B-1 deficiency. It's called the Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, you may have heard it or not, but the symptoms of it include, confusion and, loss of memory, which can be severe. I noticed this on Phil also." The doctor explained.

"So Phil is an alcoholic?"

"Was. Anyway that's my theory. I may need some more info, but for now alcoholism is the case. So were done with everything so Phil can actually go home tomorrow."

"Okay, thanks doc." I mumbled,

I watch him walk back to his office. Phil was an alcoholic. I should've made him stop, I was too scared though that he might hurt me, but I know he would never do that. Now look what happening its all my fault. I turn back and open the door to Phil's room.

"What'd he say Dan?" Phil greeted me when I came in.

"Ah. Uhh He told me you could go home tomorrow." I muttered.

"But I don't have anywhere to go home to. Chris, Peej, can I stay with you guys for a while?" Phil asks.

"Sorry buddy. There's no space. You could stay with Dan, he has a lot of space, he has video games too."

Phil looks at me and asks. "Could I stay with you, Dan I'll move out when I find a place for my own."

"Yeah sure. Stay as long as you want. In fact one of my friends just moved out and left his stuff. I think you might like it." I added.

"Thanks Dan you're a life saver." He chirped.

"I'm going to go home and clean up the house so you'll be able to walk through the door. I joked.

I see Phil smile and it makes me go weak in the knees. Oh how I miss his smile. I say good bye and walk out the door. I take the cab and go back to the house.

Okay, okay. Phil's going to come home tomorrow and I need to get this place cleaned up. I need to get rid of everything that says Phil on it. Well not everything. I need to keep some of course.

I walk inside the house and clean the whole flat. I vacuum the floors dust the windows, and pick up Phil's socks and my clothes off the floor. Time goes by fast and when I check its already 12 am. I get to the last room which is Phil's room. I walk in and I start to feel nostalgic. *sigh* I remember some good times in this room all the cuddles, and late night internet browsing. Okay start to clean everything.

I look for things that says Phil's name and throw it in a bag which I will hide in my room. I get to his drawer and open the drawers. I spot a notebook that I have never seen before. I open it and I see different writings. I read one:

_It's that day again. I used to be so happy then, I don't know what happened now. I don't know if it was envy or jealousy but I'm kind of jealous of my boyfriend. I really love him so much that it hurts. I want to make him happy. Seeing him happy makes him happy. But, at that cost someone gets hurt which is me. I supported him for years. He has so many subscribers than me not that i'm jealous. I always get hate from "Dangirls" telling me to stay away from him. Why? Why do I get all this hate? I helped him, I watched him grow up from a shy boy to a man who can do anything. I'm left here trying to raise myself up. So I've been depressed. I've drinking, a lot, just to repress the pain. Probably 5 bottles and many shots. Makes me forget the pain you know. I'm left putting on a mask for my boyfriend so he doesn't suspect anything. I'll still try and make him happy. That's all I want in life. To make Dan happy with me. _

I finish reading the page and I start to tear up. Why haven't I notice? He's depressed all because of me. It's my fault he lost his memory of me.

I look at the time and it's 3:00

"Shit. I need to pick up Phil at the hospital in 30 min."

I rush and get my keys, put on my shoes and rush to the hospital. I get in the cab and give him the directions.

I get out of the cab and I check the time. It's 3:33. Jesus Christ! i'm late. I run to Phil's room and get him. I push the door to Phil's room. I look and see that he's not here. I walk in and look around the room.

"Phil?" I call out.

"Rahh!"

"Ahhh!" I yell. I turn around and see Phil laughing.

"God Phil, you scared me." I say with shallow breaths.

"Haha I know. Well you are late." He answers.

"By like 3 minutes." I added.

"Still you're late." He burst out.

We start smiling at each other.

"uhmm. Well let's head back to the flat."

"Let's go!" He chimes.

We walk out the hospital and take the cab back to the flat.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry about not updating.. Anyway happy new years and valentines day! :)**

I open the door to "my" flat.

"Uhh" Sorry 'bout the amount of stairs in my flat, it's like Mount Everest in here." I apologize.

"That's okay I'll get used to it." Phil answered.

I help him go up the stairs and lead him into the the living room.

"Soooo here's the living room. There's a tv, mac, video games and board games that you could use whenever. We can play video games anytime, you want."

"I'd like that." He smiles.

I stare at him for a while and realize what I'm doing and get up quickly"

"Want a drink? Tea, Water, Soda, Beer?"

"A water will be fine thank you." He answers.

I nod and smile and head to the kitchen to get him a glass of water.

I come back to see Phil looking through the shelves.

"You have A LOT of games." Phil blurted.

"Yeah, me and my friend used to play a lot of video games."

"What happened to your friend?" Phil asked.

Me smile droops out of my face. I can't tell him about him.

"Umm he left. He left a note, he left everything, his clothes and stuff."

"Aww, why? You're such a nice guy." he cooed.

"I guessed he wanted something new."

"Well I won't leave you no matter what." Phil said as he smiled.

"Thanks I appreciate it."

"Hey so wanna play some video games? I can order a pizza."

"Yeah sure!"

Me and Phil spent the day laughing and eating pizza, and me kicking his ass in Mario Kart.

I look at the time and decided that it's time to go to bed.

"Hey, I"m gonna head to my room and go to sleep." I tell him.

"Okay." Phil answered.

"You can hang out if you want, the bathroom and your room is on your left if you're wondering."

"Okay thanks."

"Good night." I greeted.

"Good night to you too."

I smile and head to my room.

"Uhh Dan?" I hear Phil call."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, for everything. You didn't have to do all this. Taking me in, everything."

He stands up and gives me a hug.

I put my arms around him and hug him back.

"I miss this." I accidentally whisper out.

Phil and I let go of each other.

"What'd you say?" Phil asked.

"Oh, I just said that it's not a problem, I like having company." I lied.

"Okay anyway, I'm gonna head out too, Good night."

"Good night." I mumble back.

I watch Phil head to his room and close the door. I head to my room as well.


End file.
